The regular Monday meeting of the Anchor Bay Random Assembly of Clams and Aging Drunken Athletes / Board of Regents and Administrators (A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A) was interrupted by young standout, Nathaniel Whitmore, demanding to know why he was being brought up in trade negotiations. Aside from his absence at recent mandatory team keggers, (apparently he was working on his free throw in the gym at the time) he was told that after his miserable 9 rebounds in 48 minutes on Saturday night
(55959026), his rebounding was not up to snuff. Enraged at being discriminated against due to his hops allergy, he vowed upon his mother's father's best friend's sister's postman's grave to get revenge. And revenge he got.
He went straight to the locker room and told Trajkot there was a fifth of vodka in it for him if he faked injury early in the game so he could prove a point. Trajkot, who was still hungover from the kegger was only too happy to oblige.
So after only 2.5 minutes of playing time in Monday's matchup against the Greensboro Generals, Trajkot drew a little contact on a jumper and took a dive. Whitmore was fired up and came onto the court to shoot free throws. After missing the first, he took a breath and sank one. Now he was on a mission. And that mission was to flip A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A. the bird. And that birdie sang a song that sounded like a franchise single game rebounds record, to the tune of 31 sweet boards
(55959034). No one had matched that feat in the proud history of Clam big men, including Mezzetti, Jesberger, Louzano, Choquet, Sauer, Yukang, Arvaras, Bassols, Stratzalis, Álvarez, and Guanan.
As he snagged his 30th board with 2 minutes left in the game the home crowd roared its approval and changed the usual rallying cry ("Sotally Tober!") to "Totally Sober! Totally Sober!" in honor of the straight-edge baller.
Coach Simon congratulated Whitmore after the game and told him on behalf of the board to enjoy it while it lasted.
In unrelated news, Coach Simon was rushed to the Drunken Clams Trauma Wing of St. Mary's Hospital of Anchor Bay with a fractured jaw. Apparently he slipped on soda that one of the fans sitting in the new lower tier expansion spilled into the tunnel back to the locker room. He is expected to make a full recovery after a few weeks of having his jaw wired shut and eating a liquid diet.
Last edited by rhyminsimon at 5/7/2013 10:53:22 PM