Last season The Clams showed a lot of promise as they put up a 13-9 record, won a cup game, and made it to the playoffs. After winning their quarterfinal game over the Ricers, they suffered a disappointing loss to the Bulldogs in the fourth quarter of the conference championship. The other highlight of the season was when star shooting guard and notorious ladies’ man, Italo “Il Mollusco” Campioni, took a break from his incessant drinking and womanizing to put up an impressive stat line in the V.7 All-Star Game: a league-leading 29 pts with 5 from downtown and 5 assists to match. Sadly, though, his effort could not push the scales in favor of the inferior Big 8.
This season looks to be an even more exciting one for the Clams. After saying goodbye to Bart “Gimpy” Smolarski and the young fan favorite Tang “OJ” Guanan, the Clams welcomed two new stars and a reworked roster. Joining Campioni in his quest to claim the coveted Golden Haddock (the V.7 Championship trophy) is Finnish phenom, MIchael “Duke” Christiansson, an off season acquisition from CBBadalona. Also Guillermo “The Spaniard” Álvarez has planted his flag in the paint at the Dundee Center. (No really... a hole in the floor and everything.) The building management is angry, but no one has had the heart to tell him yet that this is sovereign US soil and he can’t claim it for Spain. We’ll have to leave that to his compatriot and new teammate, Joan Bassols, who looks to be having a breakout season.
The Clams have also drafted US NT prospect Millard “Pearly” Smith. He comes fresh out of high school, where he led the Hill Cats of Backwater High school to the State championship. Sean Jack, the seasoned big man who is the only other English-speaker on the team, has been trying to take the rookie under his wing, warning him to steer clear of the temptations of Basketball success (although he’s never had any). Maybe that’s why the youngster seems to be ignoring his advice. But since no one else much cares, Ike Neyken, the team doctor, has had to step in on numerous occasions when Smith has come to practice hung-over from a night of partying with “Il Mollusco.” It wouldn’t be such a big problem except that Smith just doesn’t have Campioni’s liver... yet. He’d better get things under control, though before team morale sinks. The Greeks are already starting to call him Millard “Hurly” Smith behind his back. Time will tell whether he can shake this phase and come out an all-star instead of a wash-out.
The good news is that the Clams have been shell-acking their competition thus far, earning a 6-0 start. Five players are averaging 10+ pts/g and the double-doubles keep piling up. Head coach Simon had this to say, “It’s all about heart. I want our guys to go out and play with heart. But unfortunately, they’re only a bunch of numbers in a computer, and so they have no hearts. Fortunately, though, they have come out on top in every game. They even scared our old rivals, the Bulldogs, clean out of the virtual universe after the whomping we gave ‘em in our televised home-opener. I hesitate to say it... but who’s gonna stop me? We’re going all the way, baby!” But not everyone in the organization is as optimistic as Coach Simon.
In a private interview, Önsal Aysil, a long-time back-up for the Clams, had this to say: “Big 8 is big nothing. Wait for Wok Style game, Jellico Terrapin game, Beefcake Firestorm game. Then we see... maybe good, maybe *puh* [spits].”
The only way to find out is to play. Good luck, Drunken Clams. *hic*
Last edited by Rhymin Simon at 3/1/2012 4:02:15 PM