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Veteran Power Forward Suspended for YouTube Comment

5/31/2013  4 replies    

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Press Announcements

Veteran Power Forward Suspended for YouTube Comment

In what observers outside the Sons of Vulcan organization are calling an “Egregious action by a corporate demon,” the team has indefinitely suspended longtime power forward, Floyd Morales (24676647) , from all team activities for a comment he made on the video website, YouTube.

Morales, who admits that he was out on the town after the Sons’ first round playoff loss to the Dragonmasters and that he may have had “…one too many Long Islands…” was recorded on teammate Aaron Yancey’s cellphone camera. The video plays Yancey’s voice asking Morales what he thought about the end of the season. Morales then responded by saying, “Thank God, it’s over. I hate these training seasons that our pathetic owner makes us go through for the young players. I’m getting up there in years; I need more rings on my fingers. I want to see what playing in DIII is like before I retire. Sign some free agents, for God’s sake.”

In a press release yesterday afternoon, team management stated that the reason for suspending Morales was simply blasphemy. When questioned about the suspension at his end-of-season press conference, team owner/general manager Matt Wood responded with this statement:

“Look, Floyd has been a part of this organization since we were the Elephants. He’s a great player and an even better human being. I would actually consider him a friend; we’ve had dinner together to discuss the direction of the team on several occasions over the past 4 seasons. As a veteran, he can really provide me with how both the young guys and veterans are feeling about things. I understand where he’s coming from; we all want to win, and I probably had one too many brandy old fashions on that very same evening. With that said, Floyd’s been around here a long time and he knows what goes with being a member of the Sons of Vulcan. You can’t hold other deities above Vulcan. In your own home, worship who you please; in the offices of the Forge and out in public, you worship no other god than Vulcan – simple as that. He understands the seriousness of his actions and why we had to do what we did. He knows that he’ll have to make up for what he did with the proper sacrifices required by Vulcan. Until then, the suspension stands. That’s all I’ll say on the issue.”

Wood then stood up from his chair, held his hands up, and shouted upwards, “This is for a successful next season, oh great Lord Vulcan!” He proceeded to calmly light a ceremonial candle, pull out a butcher knife, cut the head off of a live salmon, and throw it into the continuously burning ceremonial fire.

Even the American Civil Liberties Union is weighing in on the issue, noting in a press release that it is one of the fundamental rights that America was founded on that people not be judged for their religious beliefs. When asked to comment on the Sons of Vulcan organization, a PETA representative resignedly stated with a heavy sigh, “We’ve talked about this before.”




By: INA-J-Slo_646
To: Woodman
352078.2 as reply to 352078.1
5/31/2013 4:18:31 PM
I appreciate owner Wood's pragmatic approach to handling the issue: It's nothing personal, Morales will just make the required sacrifices and rejoin the team when he is returned into Vulcan's favor. Until then, he will serve his suspension like a man.

Tough but fair. Probably how Vulcan would handle it himself.

Reply to this     
By: INA-ozone_871
To: Woodman
352078.3 as reply to 352078.1
6/1/2013 5:14:05 PM
Interesting that the Sons keep live salmon on hand during press conferences. I guess these opportunities for dramatic sacrifices to Vulcan come up often ... or maybe it's just in case somebody gets hungry.

Reply to this     
By: Woodman
To: INA-ozone_871
352078.4 as reply to 352078.3
6/1/2013 7:58:29 PM
Well, you know, the Daughters of Poseidon Roller Derby team is right down the road, so they keep us stocked with a live aquarium of sacrificial sea beasts.

Reply to this     
By: INA-Bam Bam_593
To: Woodman
352078.5 as reply to 352078.1
6/4/2013 3:33:59 PM
Good shit

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