All Press Releases

Peabody Hitmen Franchise Created!

1/17/2024  0 replies    

Press Announcements

Skillz to pay the billlz…then nap time. Hitmen take hangover loss to Killmonger.

Just days after humiliating the top team in the league by 39 points and rightfully demanding the respect of every hardwood-walking soul in the division, the Peabody Hitmen stumbled into their next matchup with all the energy of a dad checking into a 7 a.m. spin class after bottomless margaritas.

Call it a hangover. Call it karma. Call it Tuesday.

The team who manhandled Skillz That Killz like a grudge match in a Marvel finale suddenly forgot that fourth quarters exist. We entered the second half up by seven, then proceeded to allow forty-five points in the third quarter. That’s not a typo. That’s a number usually reserved for NBA All-Star Games or Steph Curry heat checks.

Egon Pevec continues to be the only adult in the room, dropping 29 points and 13 rebounds with the efficiency of a German dishwasher. Meanwhile, Rino Mattioli did his best impression of a Vegas slot machine pulled 23 times, hit 5.

Thao Hà, on the other hand, played 8 minutes, shot 4-for-5, and is now under investigation for grand larceny for stealing minutes from players less productive than a broken fax machine.

Final score: Peabody Hitmen 99, Killmonger 110.
Final takeaway: We beat Skillz by 39. We lost this one by 11. Math says we’re still +28 on the week.

Stay tuned for our next game, where we promise to remember the second half is not optional.



View message in thread.
Advertisement