BuzzerBeater Forums

In an effort to spice this up, I'm going to try to do a quick scouting report on one player from each team as I play them.

The Barbaric Yawps (23780), which I’m told are a type of primitive feral dog rumored to have stalked the plains of Mongolia, took on the Jests last Tuesday night in a relative thriller. After crushing defeats of 25 and 15 points, the Jests narrowed the gap to 10 points. At this rate we are comfortable projecting that we will beat the Yawps sometime before we colonize Mars, possibly even this decade.

As mentioned above, if I can muster up the effort to continue this going forward, I'll try to do previews, but in this case we’ll dwell on the past and talk a little bit about one player who has been a particular nuisance, Manuel Prado del Rey (23833166). In the three aforementioned games (85576250), (82290185), (78998102), MPR has led all scorers with 77 points or 25.7 ppg. You’d think we’d put a body on him by now but alas. The best we could muster was holding him to a pedestrian 17 points in season 3.

Manuel Prado del Rey was acquired by the Yawps in season 25 for an impressive $973k. Since then he has been a spectacularly average player, scoring 12.4, 14.0, 13.0, 13.6, 14.5, 12.8 and 9.1 points per game each season. Despite this, he still remains a thorn in the Jests side.

But there is more to MPR than just basketball and his inability to grow an even hairline. His last name, Prado del Rey makes his Spanish heritage clear, and actually translates to Meadow of the King. It is also the name of a city in the Cadiz province of Spain where his great, great, great, great grandfather ruled over the local populace. Since then, and through many generations of keeping it in the family, with brothers marrying sisters, cousins, and even the occasional aunt, the family’s reign started to crumble, forcing Manuel to set out and seek his fortune elsewhere, leading him into the welcome arms of the Yawps.

That summary of MPR was hilarious - thanks Rambo and the Jests!

While I agree that his stats do look "spectacularly average" for someone who demanded 973K to acquire, without this incestuous prince I'd have no chance against the premier scorers in this league. A PF playing out of position, his versatility and length - just like in the bedroom with various relatives - have been a great asset. He's the only player close to a lock-down defender Yawps fans have had a chance to cheer for.

I do want to remind you, however, that you did hold me to 65 points in a rugged victory back in Season 29 (75703214). Honestly forgot about a few of those players, and I'm glad they're gone.

That was back when Rex Perez was around and he was having his way with the opposition and their wives.

Its been an eternity since I was in the NBBA but I would add that it is very helpful if you have trainees that are on the cusp of breaking out, i.e. going from like $40k to $80k. Very difficult to train in the NBBA if you have 18-20 year olds.

Death, taxes, the Bananahorns (30600) overcompensating in scrimmages. The only things you can be certain about in life. While the Jests and the Bananahorns have an even 1-1 split in league play, the ‘nanners have made a punchline of the scrimmages, winning all 4 games by a combined 438 – 147. That margin works out to an average win of 110 – 37. For more evidence see here: (82114539), (82265529), (85402207), (85552452)

Why do the Bananahorns try so hard? Will they ever relinquish their reign of terror in the gray box? Do they realize the wins don’t count? Is there a reason they carry 17 players?

There are an infinite amount of questions to answer about the team that we may never understand.

But there is another question we might be able to shed some light on. One that many have wondered. And that is, how and why does Alexander Cardenas (13185253) keep going? The 38 year old was drafted by the Bananahorns with the 10th pick of the season 11 draft. That means he started playing over five calendar years ago, which is about 35 years in dog years and something like 97 BB years. Give or take. Caredenas stayed with the team for 19 seasons, making the all-star team 9 times and winning the Division V.162 MVP in season 12.

Despite his storied career, Cardenas was inexplicably transferred by management in season 30 for a nominal $76.6 thousand, proving that nothing is in fact sacred and Buzzerbeater is nothing but a business. Departing as the all-time leader in points, assists, steals, and games played, Cardenas was an obvious choice for election into the hall of fame, punctuating the end of an impressive run with the team as he moved on to play for the Golden S. Warriors (122688) in Estonia.

But that was not the last we would hear of Cardenas! At the end of season 31 Cardenas reached out to the Bananahorns about the possibility of resigning with the team in order to retire as a ‘horn. The team paid the $10 thousand transfer fee to bring back the legend and got plans ready to announce the celebration. But Cardenas had one more trick up his sleeve. Now an official member of the team, he refused to leave the court or the locker room and has steadfastedly suited up game after game! At this point he refuses to retire and player and team are locked in a deadly stalemate.

While both sides try to figure out what to do next, the Jests will enjoy the opportunity to take the court with a living legend, the rare active hall of fame player, and wonder with the rest of the observers, at $10,395 per week, can the Bananahorns afford to keep up the charade or will Cardenas ultimately be put out to pasture as originally intended?

Thanks for doing this. That was a great read