Team owner Swift Chase praised the Dragons after his team was run out of the gym in a first round playoff loss. "I think the guys had an adequate season. I mean, they were really adequate. They were spectacularly adequate. They showed people the meaning of the word adequate."
"I really mean that," he said. "Wherever people gather together and speak in hushed tones about extraordinarily mediocre performances, they'll talk about this New York Dragons' team. As long as the memory of man encompasses this New York Dragons' team, no one will have to look in the dictionary to find out about competence. And on every basketball court in every building where ordinary people gather to play another team, and they play out the game like it's a simple banal workaday routine on which absolutely nothing depends, the New York Dragons will be there. Or at least the Dragons will be there a frighteningly large amount of the time."
The first reporter with a follow-up question was repeatedly bashed in the face and shoulders by an unhappy Mr. Chase before he was rushed from the room by his personal security.
The league president was planning to levy a hefty fine against Mr. Chase for the beating, calling it "against the best interests of basketball", when it was pointed out to him that sports reporters knowing they risk being beaten within an inch of their life if they say or write something upsettingly negative probably IS in the best interests of basketball. Now, according to league executives, there's talk of giving Mr. Chase "some sort of basketball medal".
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